Online confessions

I bleed to dry out the pain...

I bleed to dry out the pain

and my head gets dizzy and i am so tired

i have anxiety and depression

i have flaws

i am not accepted

and i love two genders

when i should feel incapable of loving one

i cut myself sore until my tears feel like blood

and i keep it in

and i am so sad

and until there is a point to the universe

i will look forward to nothing but death

I am a Christian and although I try my hardest not to...

I am a Christian and although I try my hardest not to, I sin as we all do. I found myself engrossed in porn and even masturbated a little, all while feeling terribly guilty. My problem is that even when I try to stop, I keep coming back to it after about a week. I have tried avoiding things that might trigger me and attempting yo block secret mode but nothing seems to stick. I just want to tell someone because I believe it will help. I have looked up steps and I just need to get it off my chest. I have also been praying and I am going to try reading my Bible instead when I get these urges.

I am a 15, year old girl who has gotten used to lust and...

I am a 15, year old girl who has gotten used to lust and temptations I feel extremely disgusted of myself because I masturbate when I'm watching porn movies,I know lie alot I've driven myself far away from God because I was very humble but I've turned into a demon. Please help me I am loved by alot of people who are counting on me and I would not love to disappoint them. Please help me lord I need your forgiveness and love. I want to be born again please hear my cry.

What do you do if you want to die? I want to a lot. My...

What do you do if you want to die? I want to a lot. My mom would be sad a little, but she would have more food and clothes without me here. And my friends, they would get over it. I just... sometimes when I want to cut or stab myself...I can't. It's like a little voice is saying I'm gonna be okay. But...I can't help but feel like I won't. I know it's not God. I always get a weird sensation when I hear it. Like, it means good but it does bad. Sometimes I think that it would be better if I was kidnapped. Then, I could live another life and leave the old one as if I was dead. I just feel though, even while typing this, that the little voice wants me to stay, to be safe. And....it hurt my chest listening to it. I'm selfish if I do leave or kill myself. Cause I know at least one person cares about me, and, that should give me enough reason to live. Because, someday I will be gone, but right now there is someone calling out to me, Idk who or what they are. But I k ow they care. And for...

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I was molested by my brother for about 7 or 8 years. Over...

I was molested by my brother for about 7 or 8 years. Over the course of those years he use to let his best friend abuse me. The older I got, the more I thought it was normal.

Until I had a break and asked my mother why did she turn a blind eye to what was happening, but she still denies till this day of having any knowledge. Even though she caught him doing me one night.

I am almost forty and ashamed to say that he was my first orgasm and that I have not experienced pleasure with anyone else. It makes me feel sick, disgusting and worthless.

Recently, I been disconnected, loss and unfeeling and am afraid my relationship of 6 years is suffering. I don't know what to do or how to work through these things. It's so hard. I love Master very deeply and he knows I need pain to kill my internal conflicts.

I just embarrassed, I want to be normal.

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I'm a 14 year old girl and I smoke and drink a lot, but...

I'm a 14 year old girl and I smoke and drink a lot, but nobody, NOBODY knows. I steal my brother's friend's cigarettes and I sneak liquor from my parents. No one has ever noticed. Sometimes I get horrible pains after I smoke. I'm worried I've fucked up my lungs, but I refuse to tell anyone because people would be so shocked...I'm the last person that they would expect to do that.

I Avtar lusts angers greeds attaches and has pride being...

I Avtar lusts angers greeds attaches and has pride being weighed down by God realm.

Let me start off by saying that I am not and never will...

Let me start off by saying that I am not and never will be beautiful.

Not to myself, and most certainly not to anyone else.

If they told you I was they would be lying.

And this is not some pity party where I ask you to feel sorry for me. This is just me stating a simple fact. 

I'm just asking you, you beautiful, amazing people, to not tell someone that they're ugly. We, as people, are prone to beating ourselves up over our insecurities anyway. Don't make someone's life hell by just confirming to them what they think they know. You are better than that. Don't demean those who already feel as low as they can get.

And remember:

Just because you're better looking than someone does not make you better than them.

Because the greatest beauty comes from the inside.

~ Angel

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Wish I was dead

I really wish I was dead

May sound odd but. I know there is something THICK has...

May sound odd but I know there is something THICK has been trying to force me against my own, true, personal, nature. Really forcefully pushing hard against what God created me to be. If I am supposed to be one thing then something big is trying to force me into another (why big? because why would anyone care about somebody else's nature unless changing that nature served a greater purpose, not necessarily a positive purpose) 

Also, trying to make be/become the opposite of what I should act, think, say, feel, believe. 

Just pushing for the complete opposite. As if the "odds" had life on it's own , and had to fulfill orders to always make me be at the wrong time, at the wrong place, with the wrong person (even trying to make me be the wrong person to be at the wrong time and place), say/do/make/be/feel the wrong thing always at the wrong time and space of course. It is as if things, Everything actually, have been and ARE being inverted, or upside down. And the...

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I am getting married in March, that is love marriage. I...

I am getting married in March, that is love marriage. I know one guy since last 3 years but never became even friends and me, my would be husband and he working in the same organisation. Since 4th Feb we started knowing each other and became good friends. We started having bike rides, late night chatting, coffee, movie etc. and unknowingly started having feelings for each other. We used to flirt casually but now it became so serious. We can't stop our tears when we chat. During bike ride he continuously stares at me via the looking glass and same thing for me as well !!! He is coming in my marriage too as my would be husband has invited him. We know it's worthless still the days which we are spending together means a lot to us. He has promised that he will always be there in my need. And said those 3 magical words and I couldn't stop my tears. Can anyone please suggest me how to recover?

I am married to an amazing man. I am extremely lucky and...

I am married to an amazing man. I am extremely lucky and I love him completely.

I am extremely, palpably, magnetically drawn to another, who is a family friend. He and I had a very close call once, years ago, to the point of penetration... it stopped because we didn't want to be found out by my family. i was living at home, it was after a party, and the words were [me] "We have to be quiet" [him] "I can't be..." - and it stopped there. We went out once afterward, and that was that. Nothing more. This was well before I knew my husband. I think we both felt a little awkward for a time, a little guilty because of the complications.

Fast forward a few years. My husband and I are honest about our pasts. He knows about this, and we are all still casual friends. My husband knows I love him, but even he says that when the two of us (I and our friend) are in the room together there is tangible energy between us. We can't help it and don't think about it. It's just there....

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I don't know how long I've been cutting myself but Its...

I don't know how long I've been cutting myself but It's close to consuming me whole leg.

I wish I knew how to deal with the skipping of...

I wish I knew how to deal with the skipping of acquaintance status steps, performed by others on me. Usually the whole simple process of making somebody an acquaintance becomes just too quick for me or people were trying to scare me. The steps necessary for getting known by others simply are inexistent. For example, if I am knew in some place people come to me and ask super private questions . For example they jump from"What's your name?" To "When was your first time?" , or if there is a neighbor I barely speak to unless a "hi" to be polite, and next day he is stalking me to places when I try and TRY so hard to be so discreet that I don't even have social media anymore. Why would anyone try to scare a visibly shy and insecure person into more timidity and isolation? (if this wasn't the initial goal when they initiated getting acquainted with me then what it was.) I never saw people doing this to anybody else though.

I am a female and I don't really understand why I am...

I am a female and I don't really understand why I am called a dick too many times for a lady. It doesn't even make any sense when analysing my behaviour and manners, attitudes etc

I'm addicted to sex because I'm an introvert..

I'm addicted to sex because I'm an introvert and have been rejected by girls many times. The problem is that I'm addicted to sex with the wrong sex. Please help me get out of this before I move into deep depression.

I wanna know if my bf loves me he have a gf in there...

I wanna know if my bf loves me he have a gf in there place and hes here working abroad where he met me now we are in relationship for 2 years this 2016 Dec they broke up because the rumor between us reach her.... The problem is my bf don't want me to check his phone he put a password.. When he chat and I look on it he gets mad... I'm even told to act like friend in his fb not a lover as his family might know about me and that culture is too strict in Nepal...

Another thing is he always say that someday he will go home and I will be happy he judge me often in negative blame me for my mistakes he say bad words lots of things that make me cry when I don't make love hope you can give me a good advice to this

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I'm a nasty, dirty, evil person and I'm sick of it

I've done so many horrible things in my life and I'm so ashamed that I've even tried to commit suicide because I feel like I don't deserve to live with all of the bad things that I've done in my life. I've had sex with my brother, my mom's old boyfriend, my grandfather, I've even had oral sex for money. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was sexually abused as a child and I think that plays a part in it but I'm 27 years of age and I should know better. Can someone please help me. I don't wanna live my life like this anymore. I wanna cleanse myself of all this uncleanliness.

I hate it that I will never be able to prove how much of...

I hate it that I will never be able to prove how much of my life have been suffocated, restricted by other people (most of times by fully grown adults too or people the same age as me) because in most times it is done indirectly and it is so frequent. The worst is that I Am the one accused of suffocating other people's lives and restricting them and imprisoning them. It is so rare when I ever impede somebody from doing something. I don't understand why I am the one accused of imprisoning and impeding anybody of achieving their dreams (unless their dream includes killing me). I don't imprison anybody, I don't impede anybody from getting whatever or whoever they want. Unless the person want to get it from me, for example if someone wants to drain my energy, I may try to impede this person from draining me. I am a fully grown adult I know that the sun shines for everybody.

I don't think envy is that bad, it is only bad for the...

I don't think envy is that bad, it is only bad for the one who feels it . Envy is only bad when the envious put their envy into action/act it out. By committing injustices against the object of the envy or attacking the object of envy . Envy by itself is normal (when reasonable). Everybody feels envious, with reason, at one point or another in life. However everyone also might feel envious without reason at one point or other more than once in life. However even when I have reason to feel envious I feel remorse when nobody ever feels remorse or confess having felt envy of me without cause.

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