Secrets about Funny & Humor


I laughed at my friend when he had a temper tantrum...

 I laughed at my friend when he had a temper tantrum from his anger issues. ( He is 11. )



This isn't really a confession. Gotcha! But it's three am, I can't sleep and I've run out of hope that I'll find a serial killer on here. Is being a narcissistic little bitch a bad thing? I don't know. 

My only confession really is that my life is so mundane that I actually wish for something bad to happen, shake things up you know?

I'm sure there are a dozen or more supposed 'messed up' people on  here but more than half are just emo. Or just suicidal.

I can assure you I am neither. I know I am special. 

But what do I know? I might be a side effect of some overweight loser's mind.

Who knows?

If you read this through, congrats on wasting like 20 secs of your life. If you think we might get along or that you understand this, Kik me at asven440 or email me at

PS, don't be a weirdo. That gets old.

Ciao darlings.

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I believe I killed an elderly person with internet...

I believe I killed an elderly person with internet connection rage.
I piggyback off my neighbors wifi and I believe him or his wife just died.  Anyways, Ive only been doing this for last two weeks.  Whne they started using it I would make a point to slow their internet speed.  They have always left their wifi unlocked and no password even on the router.  The perfect conditions basically.  Another neighbor was also using im pretty sure, locked them out lol.  Anyways after two weeks of me turning off their entertainment center, and computers; One of them dies.  


Preparation for anal

So I was at 7/11 high and hungry. I wanted these cakes and this breakfast bisquit and then I was thinking about B B Q later  then I thought of my later later plans which are to go to Richmond and get fucked in the ass. I see a huge conflict

The only reason that i know the starwars storyline is...

The only reason that i know the starwars storyline is because of the lego video game

Cum in soap dispenser

I used to clean a bank 6 nights a week. The female employees complained about the women's bathroom not smelling clean enough. Since I didn't like the job or the complaints I decided to jack off into a cup and pour my cum into the soap dispenser. Eventually some women would end up washing their hands with my cum.


I sent that 3 times in a row oops my bad :\


Today me and my friend Alicia and my cuzin Rain we didnt want to go to recess so we went into the bathroom and every time we heard someone come we ran into a stoll and we wrote are names on the stoll that we went in each time so that we knew which one to go in and every time one of us went in to the wrong stoll we would count to 5 and say switch and we would go to our stoll.

After I came out of a friend's birthday party, I had to...

After I came out of a friend's birthday party, I had to cover my mom while she took a piss behind the car cause she couldn't hold it and couldn't move. I would have died if someone saw.

Forgot to wear knickers

Today I went to school but forgot to wear knickers

Starkit's Prophcy

I recently read the notoriously terrible Warriors fanfiction Starkit's Prophcy, and by the end I was honestly more interested in what was going on with the author than with Stargleam/Gleamstar/Satrglaem.

This isn't a super interesting secret/confession thing, but I felt like putting this somewhere, even if most people won't get the joke.

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One time I was just swimming in the pool when my great grandmother pointed to my boobs I looked down and my nipples were showing out of my bathing suit!!!


When I was 9 I tried to run away and I was walking down the street crying when my grandma took me back home. I don't even remember why I ran away. If anyone who wants to run away is reading this font just don't.

I'm Weird

So, I met this guy on Twitch.. He's absolutely amazing. I love everything about him. x3 Heh heh <3

My friend this morning farted loud enough to wake my baby...

My friend this morning farted loud enough to wake my baby brother. she laughed out jello that she was eating... it was a mess. she was 2 rooms away from the baby.

Hole in the wall.

So my sister and I were wrestling and I by mistake elbowed the wall and made a huge hole, so we covered it up with a poster. My parents still haven't found out. But they will sooner or later I guess.

boyfriend and husband

I recently told my husband that I wanted to divorce and now that we're looking into getting a divorce. I have met somebody new however the ex-husband still wants to do things with me sexually where I don't want to. however I do have this feeling, this need, this want for my boyfriend to come inside of me than me come home to the ex-husband and have him eat my pussy clean not knowing that I had just fucked my boyfriend and he is tasting him come.

Nobody knows

My family and I moved to Italy last summer, but we only speak English and Russian. So, when one of my classmates knocks down my water bottle for example, I curse him/her in Russian but they don't understand.


classmate:*knocks down wate bottle* Sorry!

me:*in a calming voice as if I'm saying it's okay* f*** you asstow *smile*


I went up to my boyfriend and jokingly covered his nose...

I went up to my boyfriend and jokingly covered his nose with my mouth because he was ignoring me. He continued to ignore me so I blew and it came out his mouth. He claimed it was freeing then pinned me and did it to me. We spent about five minutes blowing in each others noses. That was 6 years we are married.

Every time I see a sign that says...

Every time I see a sign that says "slow children at play" all I can think is how rude it is to call them slow.