Secrets about Guilt & Remorse

 

My wife was a virgin when we met. I have a 5 inch penis...

My wife was a virgin when we met. I have a 5 inch penis and like an idiot I went out and bought an 8 inch dildo.  I know she prefers that to me and I'm sure she has fantasized about having sex with someone that big. Now we are in a relationship where she is the dominant and I am a submissive. Part of me regrets buying it but another part of me loves the idea of being dominated. I only hope she doesn't act on her fantasy to have a real penis inside of her that is bigger than me.

The last two days, I lied to some people about my life,...

The last two days, I lied to some people about my life, about other people life. Also I consecrate my bad to god, but yesterday I did many things wrong... After confess many things to god. So I wanna confess these things. I need god, I need him... I confess his is my savior and died at the cross for me. I believe on it.

I have sinned. I want to repent..

Я согрешил. Хочу покаяться. Я грешник из России. 

Translation added by moderator:

I have sinned. I want to repent. I am a sinner from Russia.

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I'm a nasty, dirty, evil person and I'm sick of it

I've done so many horrible things in my life and I'm so ashamed that I've even tried to commit suicide because I feel like I don't deserve to live with all of the bad things that I've done in my life. I've had sex with my brother, my mom's old boyfriend, my grandfather, I've even had oral sex for money. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was sexually abused as a child and I think that plays a part in it but I'm 27 years of age and I should know better. Can someone please help me. I don't wanna live my life like this anymore. I wanna cleanse myself of all this uncleanliness.

So sorry

I am sorry

A man loved me. He loved me in every possible way, he...

A man loved me. He loved me in every possible way, he loved me as much as he can. And I ditched him. I can't forgive myself in this life. I gave my level best to love him. But every time when we came close I accepted him as a very good friend. His love gave me strength, confidence, will power, everything. But I was unable to love him. I tried to love him, I said "I love you" to him, I touched him but never loved him. I thought this is okay to be with someone or to marry someone who loves me even when I don't. Then a man came in my life. I felt his aura, his soul. Finally I felt love for a person and came in a relation. I am sorry. I am really sorry that I hurt you. You were a person, who once took all the important decision of my life, you are a god-gifted person.. I can never forgive myself for doing such a sin. Please forgive me if you can. Please forgive me. I break in tears when you show your anger, your hatred towards me. Please forgive me.

Why did I...abuse her? A child abusing a child...

... why did I... abuse her? A child abusing a child... I want to tell her things she should probably remember... or trying not to. She is my dearest family. I would die for her... I'd do anything to protect her....I'd even kill for her. 

I wish I died that day I decided to touch her. At least that way... I wouldn't live with this consuming guilt for 10 years now. The 10 years of realizing my wrongs and never committing such a vile act again, ever since I was 11. I  honestly don't think she knows exactly what I did... she was very young... too young. If and when she actually remembers I'll let her decide... if she wants to forgive me or not. I wouldn't blame her hating me. I would react the same way if such happened to me.

I would kill someone like me.... or even worse than me. 

I won't say a thing.

I rather die with this secret.

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Today I accidentally rammed into a two wheeler while...

Today I accidentally rammed into a two wheeler while going to the university. And what's worse is that I sped away upon seeing two policemen approaching the exact way that two wheeler had fallen. By the time the policemen could make sense of what happened I sped away. In the rear view mirror I constantly kept on looking for anyone who might have followed me from the accident spot. Although I had a collision at low speed and the injuries wouldn't have been serious, I still sped away. I felt bad for what I've done and promised myself that the next time I'm driving I wont be so reckless.

I guess all of us were lucky enough to escape without any serious injury. Never ever will I drive with loud music blazing through the speakers of my car. I still remember the very moment it happened... Katy Perry song was just about to end. I was happy and almost smirking thinking how cool I would look to those who were coming to attend the university. But as soon as I bumped into the two...

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The universe knows what I did, and the universe knows...

The universe knows what I did, and the universe knows what you did. 

I am not trying to lay blame, nor seek any forgiveness, as I don't see it as a way forward. 

in fact I still don't know what it is that I want. 

But what I do know is that you flicked a switch in me the one fateful morn - I was off to the dirty warehouse, running late, and in you at full attention tending to your morning tree. Shocked, awed, and very much titillated, i tried to play it off as if it was nothing, but it nothing it was not. 

I couldn't stop thinking about it, i didn't know how to act upon it, and frankly wasn't so sure if I wanted to act on it - hence my regression. 

It wasn't until I heard your cries, that shook me to my core, did I realize the damage that I wrought, and by then it was too late. 

And for that i will for ever be sorry, that you do know. But I think you're lying to yourself. I think on some levels you wanted to be...

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I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend....

I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. Okay i guess i should specify, Celine and i live only 10 mins away from each other so not long distance, but she has a chronic illness that none of the doctors have been able to identify. Most of the time she's stuck in her room or on the couch sitting still because if she moves she could fall from the dizziness. Her migraines and nausea and dizziness keep her from attending College on campus and instead she has to take online classes. She has rare days where she is able to go out and do stuff, some weeks God works wonders and she well enough to see and take out on dates, more importantly she's able to go to church and worship our Lord and savior Christ Jesus and spent time with her family. But sadly because she has rare days of being well, its as if we are all fighting for her attention when she's well. On one hand there's her family who she lives with because she's not well enough to get a job and move out yet, theirs all...

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I know my mom went through a lot of stress raising my two...

I know my mom went through a lot of stress raising my two older brothers, going to school for her master's, and struggling to make ends meet while she was pregnant with me. Curiously, I'm the only one of my siblings that has multiple health/mental illnesses. I really think all that stress affected how I turned out and I know there's psychology/science to back that up. On nights like these, I lie in bed with insomnia, depressed because I can't hold a steady job, I'm broke and I wonder if I'll ever be able to quit the numerous medications I have to take. I have panic attacks because I worry so bad about "getting my sh*t together". Today, I didn't even leave my bedroom.

I feel a terrible guilt when unintentional rage boils up inside of me about how my brothers made off with the good genetics, and how  my mother's taking care of them gave me the short end of the stick.

I love my family. My brothers were my best friends growing up. But as the years pass and the...

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I am writing this note knowing it will be...

1.36 PM: I am writing this note knowing it will be erased. I have written notes like these did not help.

Worse they tempt me more, I thought that ill do laptop for only 1-2 hrs. Little did I know that I will end up doing it the whole day.

I betrayed my friend Aditya Bansal. I betrayed myself. I once again knowing I might fail take a promise to:

a) Not betray anyone ahead in my life.

b) Not watch pornography or do anything addictive for a year.

On my mother, sister and fathers life I promise. Hope I don't break it. No ones even listening I hope the computer understands.

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I hope i can make a lot of money so i dont...

i'm sad.. i hope  i can make a lot of money so i don't need to burden my parent.. just because i want to catch my own dream..

Just a foolish 17 year old

When my friends came over they brought another girl i knew, but not that well. Things happened quick basically and she sucked my dick. We are young and dumb and i had to lie to my mom and i feel awful about it. I'm not sure if i should tell her , i may never be able to go do anything fun or outside without supervision. I want to be honest but i want to be able to do things too. I haven't talked to the girl since and we are both over it, not too many people know but i just feel bad. It was last year in November i think. What should i do? I'm a good kid i don't want to disappoint my parents.

Am I a bad person? For years, I have been having this...

Am I a bad person? For years, I have been having this same occurring dream about a particular event that happened in my life. It haunts me and makes me feel even guiltier (I don't know if this is a word or not) each time it happens. When I was 12 years old, I went through a phase. I didn't want to go school or anywhere at that time. I felt somewhat empty on the inside and unloved. One day I came to school with just tears rushing down my face. I did not want to be there, I just wanted to be left alone from everybody. The next day I had to talk to the counselor about why I did not want to come to school. Was my home life bad? No. Am I being bullied? No. I just feel didn't feel like going but I guess that was not a good enough answer for the counselor. The counselor asking me which frustrated me to the point where I began to cry. She finally asked me was I being molested and for some reason I said yes. Nobody has ever molested me, I just wanted to stopped talking to her and said yes....

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Pleasure addict

It's difficult not thinking about it. Sex and pleasure have become a huge part of my daily life for so long now, sometimes it's all I can think of. There are moments when I'm left alone where all I fantasize about is me being able to give and receive pleasure from a partner, different faces each and every time, different situations too.

I'm in a serious relationship and have been for quite a while, and I love my current partner to Hell and back, yet we find it hard to maintain our sex life as responsibilities come in our way as well as the limited time we get to spend together due to work, families, friends etc. We try to keep a balance between the things we enjoy doing, but sex has always been at the very bottom of that list. 

It's not as easy as I thought, simply saying "I want more sex." won't give me exactly that. It sounds selfish, inconsiderate because I want it all the time. Sometimes, I feel horrible for doing it alone most of the time, specifically...

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I have mental issues. I have never been tested for any...

I have mental issues. I have never been tested for any but I know I have them. My mom doesn't know or anybody in fact. My first problem is that I have psychopathic tendencies. I act on impulse without thinking about the consequences or how it could hurt me or someone else. Reality seems more fake than real to me and when I snap back to reality I get depressed and realize I am wasting my life. I am only 13 but every day I think of this. I don't have good grades, I break the rules, and I do what I want. I want to fight people a lot, heck I almost asked somebody today if they wanted to fight me. I feel like a disappointment to my parents. They do so much for me but I don't give a crap about it. I lose friends faster than I make them. I argue a lot and bully my friends. I make crude jokes about sexuality, gender, other lewd things. I lack empathy for others unless I really start to think about it. I don't know how to love or what it is. I like being with my parents but I know I don't...

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I sometimes reflex on some thoughts...

I sometimes reflex on some thoughts Maybe:

¤ I am the one who is possessive and jealous of couples, this is why I am 27 and never had a boyfriend

¤ I am the one that is envious since I am 27 and never had a job even though I was fit for it

¤ I am the one who is controlling, people limited me to my bedroom (my bedroom was made into my cell)

¤ Also probably why I am the one stealing people' s freedom, and raining on their parade

¤ Maybe I am the evil one this why I need to be" dealt with inhumanity " 

Surprisingly when thinking those thoughts they all make sense, only by transcribing them they sound crazy now..

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When I was 4 I dreamed of humping a lady very sexy and I...

When I was 4 I dreamed of humping a lady very sexy and I was watching porn when I was 8 and my cousin asked me to give him a blow job and I said no and kept on asking but I said no!!!!! And he tried to make me I ran upstairs and locked the door until my granddad came home my cousin was sleeping and I'm bisexual and don't know what to do!

My complicated love life

 A boy confessed his love for me last school year. I didn't want to hurt him, so without thinking, I told him that I kinda love him, too. I didn't love him then. I loved another boy, whom I still kinda love. But now, I think I have feelings for the boy. On top of that, I think that the boy I loved first likes me. I don't know what to do and I need help, fast. Like, UPS fast!

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