Secrets about Lonely & Confused

 

I bleed to dry out the pain...

I bleed to dry out the pain

and my head gets dizzy and i am so tired

i have anxiety and depression

i have flaws

i am not accepted

and i love two genders

when i should feel incapable of loving one

i cut myself sore until my tears feel like blood

and i keep it in

and i am so sad

and until there is a point to the universe

i will look forward to nothing but death

There is one guys we being friend for about 2 yrs already...

There is one guys we being friend for about 2 yrs already. He nice but he like to curse a lot hahahah . We do text, chatting, share some story and he treat so nice and he like to tell story hahah, I'm the person who only listen and laugh and he looks lonely but in fact he has girlfriend but he never spoke bout it . I hate him because he gave me false hope on him . Why he have to treat me so dearly in fact he didn't like me. I wish i never met him, every time i see his smile i melt and his laugh to. I just pray for his happiness but the feeling inside of me it burn . I feel like i want to cry. i hope he stop treat me nicely. I cant expressed the feel now but i love him but he didn't realize that. That so painful i have to bare with this feeling. i hope you found your happiness A . 

Boring

Today is boring day

Secret crush

I really like my dance teacher and we are just 2-3 years apart. He shows affection like kissing me on top of my head and hugging me and I haven't seen him do these to someone else. But in general he is one of those extroverted and extremely sociable people with a lot of humor while I'm too quiet and embarrassing! The other day I wasn't feeling that well and he noticed "You are usually so happy what's wrong?" He asked me a couple of times and requested talking to him about it later. I really wanted to but he went dancing on his own after class! Should I be hopeful or no way?

Move on

Hey, its been hard since you in-love with someone for a long time. We been together almost 6 years. Ikr, its too long, so now, its seem hard for me to move on. I think I can not endure this anymore. I'm sorry. Waiting is the most painful feeling anyways. We been so rarely contacting each other. We've just like us, we are not 'we' anymore. I missed the old us. Longing for you every single day its too painful. I just need time. Its now 1207 am. Even in this hour I still thinking of you. If I wake up again for tomorrow, it still remain the same. If im breaking up with you, its hurt. It will take time to forget and delete everything that we've shared together. Now, im just waiting to ignore or decide what is im going to do. Maybe im think im just being too ego, I've always denied my true feelings, even tho we've already together for a long time. Getting awkward.

You said you love me but you always ignore me. Why do you...

You said you love me but you always ignore me. Why do you always treat me like you don't care at all?

I hate it that I will never be able to prove how much of...

I hate it that I will never be able to prove how much of my life have been suffocated, restricted by other people (most of times by fully grown adults too or people the same age as me) because in most times it is done indirectly and it is so frequent. The worst is that I Am the one accused of suffocating other people's lives and restricting them and imprisoning them. It is so rare when I ever impede somebody from doing something. I don't understand why I am the one accused of imprisoning and impeding anybody of achieving their dreams (unless their dream includes killing me). I don't imprison anybody, I don't impede anybody from getting whatever or whoever they want. Unless the person want to get it from me, for example if someone wants to drain my energy, I may try to impede this person from draining me. I am a fully grown adult I know that the sun shines for everybody.

Today i had jealous about a friend, like he plays guitar...

Today i had jealous about a friend, like he plays guitar much much better than me, sometimes i think he wants to show up, but maybe i am jealous and i think it and he is just playing.... sometimes i feel angry too, looks like for me he is the favourite of the class....I feel rejected or humiliated... even look to him I can't, i feel really down....

I'm not sure why I feel like I don't matter. Actually, I...

I'm not sure why I feel like I don't matter. Actually, I know exactly why I feel this way. I go to work, doing a pointless job. A job I hate, with a team I hate, and a boss I hate. Where nothing I say makes any difference. Then I come home, and my wife treats me the same way. Nothing I say makes any difference. No suggestions I make matter. I don't matter to my mom. I don't matter to my family. I never have. In the end, it's just me. Me and my cat...who my wife wants to kill.

In 19 weeks I'm going to have a baby. I should be thrilled. But why would I be when my wife says "it's MY kid", insinuating it's not also mine? Why would I be when I don't have any say in anything that's done for him. I don't get to pick his name. I don't get to pick the nursery. I don't get to pick anything because she has her own ideas, and none of mine matter. I don't matter. How does the life I've worked so hard for, suck so terribly? I want to run away. I want to disappear. I want to live on...

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For two years, I was addicted to a pocket knife, to...

For two years, I was addicted to a pocket knife, to seeing my own blood being drawn from deep slits in my arms. I loved hurting myself, joining the other in beating me down. I finally got help and stopped self-harm. Who helped me? Nope, not doctors or my family. It was music. Sing by My Chemical Romance, to be exact. The song is about standing up for people who can't defend themselves.

"Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls, every time that you lose sing it for the world, sing it from the heart, sing it till you're nuts, sing it out or world's gonna hate your guts, sing it for the deaf, sing it for the blind, sing about everyone that you left behind, sing it for the world, sing it for the world" - Sing (My Chemical Romance)

My family finds me disgusting and treats me like dirt because of the scars on my arm.

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Analysing my situation now have the impression that my...

Analysing my situation now have the impression that my life is being put on hold, so someone can live their life. It as if they are pausing my life, as in a computer game, except it is as if another player paused your character but continued playing their game. You know, when you pause your character so that you can plan and set things up to happen for the character, and then unpause when you planned everything,

¤ Except it's been years

¤ Not good things are being planned

¤ It is

 another "player" who is pausing my life

¤ It is real life and another person's life shouldn't be stopped so that you can live yours there's oxygen for everybody, and the sun shines for everybody is just that some can't understand it.

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Most folks just see me as an object to be used and...

Most folks just see me as an object to be used and discarded. It's not a life phase. It started longer before than I used to think. I now realize how people moved me like a pawn and played me like a card and that was all. No utility after that. Once realized I didn't want to be played anymore, they started manipulating me or punishing me for not accepting to be USED and then stonewalling me. The few people I had a true friendship with of years now became different and distant, at any given chance being manipulative when they were not manipulators before, more like Capgras, however I know they probably still have soul. The only new few acquaintances I make only use me as well , when they don't try to stick me up in a figurative closet and lock me there until is time to use me or play me again.

I have been a confession junkie on sites spilling the...

I have been a confession junkie on sites spilling the beans, I think it's an internet addiction to the sites so I try to find new ones where people will not know me. I avoid the ones I was on because all they do is bully me. I only come on because I am lonely sad and confused why I have been ignored and left out so much and never invited it's like I don't belong anywhere and I am so sick of it. It's not healthy to be in this tight relationship with parents and not allowed romances just because my neighbor's obese wife and obese kids didn't like me looking like an attractive mature adult woman in my 30s and they were all of 7 and 9 wrecking my love life. No more kens please, just no more.

I am depressed and I have no one to turn to...

I am depressed and I have no one to turn to. I need help. Please.

Got laid off at work and dropped out of college due to...

Got laid off at work and dropped out of college due to financial problems. No scholarship would accept nor would my parents help. I only worked for 6 months and now I can't find a job. I am living with my parents. So pretty much all I do is house work like laundry, cook, dishes....

I'm tired of my life! I feel so lonely. While all my friends have jobs, boyfriends/girlfriends, getting married, having kids, living life.... I'm sitting around like ok, what to do next? 

I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend....

I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. Okay i guess i should specify, Celine and i live only 10 mins away from each other so not long distance, but she has a chronic illness that none of the doctors have been able to identify. Most of the time she's stuck in her room or on the couch sitting still because if she moves she could fall from the dizziness. Her migraines and nausea and dizziness keep her from attending College on campus and instead she has to take online classes. She has rare days where she is able to go out and do stuff, some weeks God works wonders and she well enough to see and take out on dates, more importantly she's able to go to church and worship our Lord and savior Christ Jesus and spent time with her family. But sadly because she has rare days of being well, its as if we are all fighting for her attention when she's well. On one hand there's her family who she lives with because she's not well enough to get a job and move out yet, theirs all...

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I'm a nineteen year old girl and i've never had a...

So, i'm a nineteen year old girl and I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even been kissed. I mean, I get looked at by guys quite often, but apparently i'm not attractive enough to talk to and get to know. Whatever, I get it. I never realized how off my life was until I noticed my cousin, who's only a couple of years older than me, going out with a different guy every night. Now don't get me wrong, i'd rather be a virgin loser than be a cheating whore...but still. I've always said that i'm asexual and content with just getting a good career and living alone for the rest of my life, having no desire in getting married and having kids. Mainly because I've never met someone that i'm actually attracted to sexually. I'm only ever attracted to anime guys or wrestlers. You know, people that don't exist and people that i'll never meet. But there is one man that I think about all the time. I've never been so attracted to or in love with anyone like I am with him. That man is... WWE...

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The psychiatrist

I was hospitalized and when the psychiatrist came to my bed I thought I saw an erection in his pants. My hand went straight to that area and I touched him. Felt like magnets. He is super attractive. Never met a man physically that I am so attracted to. Andrei has elf ears. And is married.

I secretly imagine he will be my man after his wife dies.

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Ben S from Miami raped me

He penetrated my urethra and now I have urinary incontinence.

I loved 3 priests

I loved 3 priests from my parish. Just feel like screaming because we didn't even talk about it.

Sometimes I look back at pictures of 3 priests. I just don't get it why I consequently romantically look at them this way. Feeling somehow proud. God is the only way, priests love God the most.

I don't know how to find solace. This loneliness is killing me.

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